mama instincts at work or not

I have been hearing all sorts of VBAC and homebirth horror stories lately and I am starting to get scared about this whole baby coming out of my body business that is going to happen in less than 3 months. (less than THREE MONTHS! the idea of having 3 people depend on me day in and day out scares me too, but that is for another time)

I also truly believe and trust in my mama instinct. It has never steered me wrong. But my issue is that I am having a hard time telling the difference between my mama instinct and fear placed in my brain from outside sources. I don't want to ignore my mama instinct, but I also don't want to do something I don't really want to do because of fear.

So last night I went out with my VBAC buddy and we talked about it a bit. I got some of my feelings out and she said something that made a lot of sense. She said when she was planning her VBA2C and started to feel fear or doubt, she sort of tired on the other option. She said she would think about calling the OB and telling him that she wanted to just schedule a c/s and see how that idea made her feel. As soon as she said that I thought about going to the hospital and I knew that wasn't for us. I really don't feel safe there anymore. That made me feel like we are making the right choice for us and that the fear I am feeling is not my own.

I really need to work on paying attention to the things I read so I can keep the bad out of my brain and listen to my mama voice. It is there for a reason and I totally trust it.