the love (or lack of love) of a 3 year old

The other day, we were all sitting in the living room and V walked right up to H, gave him a hug and said "I love you, Dada!" I told H to relish that, because V has only once told me he loved me unprovoked. H then asked V if he loved me. "no" he said. H then told him to give me a hug and tell me he loves me. He walked up to me, looked me right in the eyes, and said "I don't love you, Mama." Now, I know, in my head, that he doesn't mean it. I know the kid loves me. When he gets hurt, he wants me. When he is sad, he wants me. When he is tired, he wants me to rock him. The boy loves his mama, but in that moment it hurt my heart and brought tears to my eyes. It hurts to hear your child say he doesn't love you.

It brought me back to my teenage years. I can remember getting into fights with my mom and telling her I hated her. How horrible that must have made her feel! I didn't mean it and I know she knew I didn't mean it, but I can't imagine how that made her feel. I feel so badly for saying that to her now. (note to self: call mom tomorrow and apologize for my teenage years)

It also makes me wonder about V's teenage years. What is our relationship going to be like then? At 3, he has a personality, and a temper. I wonder what he will be like at 5 and 10 and 15. But I also don't want to wish away the present.

Later that night, we were at my parents house and my dad was trying to take V outside and he didn't want to go. He looked at me and said "But I love you now, Mama!" And that night, he told H that he didn't want him to do his "rock rocks," he wanted Mama. So, I guess, at the end of the day, the kid really does love me :)