at peace

I have really been letting negative comments about our birth plans get to me lately and it has made me sort of lose trust in my body and my baby. That makes me really scared because I feel like so much of labor and birth, and pregnancy even, are about mindset. I don't want to fear any of it. I want to be confident and strong. I feel like with V's pregnancy and birth I was scared and nervous and with M's I was not. I was confident and strong and I feel like I need to be there mentally again.

I have been feeling baby move a lot this pregnancy and it is amazing! But most of the movement I was feeling was down low, which sort of gives me faith that my placenta isn't near my c/s incision or anterior, but it also made me think baby was breech. One of the midwives and I had a really short discussion about breech birth because that is a big part of my baggage. I am scared of a breech baby. She said that if baby is breech, as long as he/she is butt down, vaginal birth, and homebirth, is still an option. I think just hearing that (even though I knew that already) gave me a lot of peace. That isn't something I have to worry about. Funny thing is that a few days after she and I had that chat, I am fairly sure baby flipped and is head down now. I get a lot of strong kicks at the top of my belly.

I also laid in bed the other night and just talked to my baby. I think that really brought me to a better place where I again feel confident in our birth choices. I know that we are doing what we feel is best for our baby, for me, and for our family. I feel like I can really get excited about having a new member of our family.

H and I have also been discussing a lot about whether or not we want to know if baby is a boy or a girl and I think we are pretty set now on waiting until his/her birthday to find out. I just love the excitement and selfishly, I feel like it gives me something to focus on during pushing. Since baby and I had our little chat the other night though, I have a really strong feeling about baby's gender :)

So at somewhere around 23-25 weeks, I am feeling good. I am feeling confident. I am feeling strong. I feel prepared to welcome our newest little miracle (but not for another 12ish weeks at least!)