you're kidding me, right?

My mom called me this afternoon after her annual womanly exam. Her GYN is my old OB. She said the OB/GYN asked about me and she told her that I had another baby and I had her vaginally. She told her my whole story and the OB/GYN said that she was amazed that I did it without drugs. Seriously? You're an OB for goodness sakes! Strike one.



My mom then asked how she likes the new hospital (they recently moved the maternity part of the hospital across town from the OB office when it used to be across the parking lot). She said she really likes it and that she is only delivering babies on Tuesdays now. Each OB in the practice has one day that they deliver babies. They induce or schedule c/s for their day. Are you freaking kidding me? My mom asked her what she does if she has a patient who doesn't want to be induced. OB said if they want her to be the doctor, then they will be induced or schedule a c/s. Strike two.



She also said that she would *LOVE* to deliver babies VBAC, but her insurance won't cover her. I think this is the biggest cop-out ever. If you want to, then you find insurance that will. You would rather induce and do c/s so that you can be home for dinner at 5. Please don't kid yourself. She then said the did deliver a baby VBAC once, but the woman came in with the baby crowning. She said it was an "emergency VBAC". Strike three.



I just don't understand how doctors can be so, so selfish. I mean they are manipulating women to make their jobs easier. It honestly infuriates me. I don't think they realize the long term ramifications to what they do (or if they do, they just don't care). I mean after they slice a woman open from hip to hip and take out her baby who was not yet ready to be born and is now doped up and unable to breathe, they go home and eat dinner with their family. Meanwhile, the baby is struggling to figure out what just happened and how he went from happy and warm and safe in mama's uterus to outside in this cold operating room with the one person he has known for his whole life somewhere else and mama is in unmentionable amounts of pain from being sliced open. It makes me sick.



I think my passion for this stems from my horrible c/s recovery which I didn't really mention in V's birth post. The day after he was born, the nurses wanted to remove my bandages and have me take a shower. This is when the real pain started. As the nurse started to remove the bandage, she realized I was allergic to it and it had burned my skin. We went into the shower because she said the cool water would help it come off.



Nurse and I were in the bathroom while H stayed in the room. He said my screams were nearly unbearable. He said it sounded like she was beating me. She took off the bandage and I seriously just screamed and cried. It was some of the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. The area around my incision looked like someone had taken a lighter and burned my skin. The nurse went on to tell me that a lot of people are allergic to the bandage they used on me. So why do you still use it?



On discharge day (4 days post c/s), I was told I couldn't lift anything for 2 weeks. Not even my baby. I spent the next 2 weeks in bed with V in a Pack-N-Play next to my bed. I would sit in bed and hold him all day and if I needed to go to the bathroom/get something to eat/whatever, I would have to put him down and slowly slowly slowly maneuver myself around. H had to sleep on the couch because if he moved in bed it caused me severe pain. Riding in the car was the worst. Tiny bumps felt like huge potholes. It felt like I was being ripped apart from the inside.



As much as a year after my c/s, if I moved the wrong way or if V kicked me in the right spot, my abdomen hurt. It breaks my heart that I have such a negative feeling surrounding my son's birth. I want to remember the day of his birth as a happy one, and it was, but every time I see my scar, I am reminded also of how painful it was.



One of the sweetest things H ever said to me was shortly after M was born. We were getting dressed and I told him I hated my scar. It is ugly and reminds me of what I did to my son by not fighting for him. He told me to instead let it remind me of what I did for M. Because of my experience I knew I had to fight the second time.



I have often thought that if I didn't have the experience I did with V, I surely would be a women who was terrified of labor. I would have labored on my back and been in excruciating pain with V and even if I had him vaginally, I don't think I would view childbirth the way I do now. And I certainly wouldn't have fought for M the way I did.



I suppose that in some ways my traumatic birth was a blessing. Because of it, I have met some of the most amazing people. Because of it I was able to have an awesome birth. Because of it I hope that my children will have a healthy view of birth. Because of it I have 2 totally cool kids.