trusting my instincts--M's near death experience!

I have always said that it is so so important to trust your instincts. Especially when it comes to parenting. I do a lot of things differently, but I really just follow my instincts and I am so glad I do.

After leaving a girlfriend's house Friday, I stopped to get gas. The kids and I had errands to run and I had planned on getting some errands run and then getting gas on the way home, but for some reason I decided to pump gas blocks from her house. I got out of the car, and started pumping and then I had a feeling that I needed to check on the kids. Never in my life have I done that while pumping gas, but I opened the back door on V's side (since that is where the gas tank is) and peeked in to see M projectile vomiting. I rushed over to her side and tried to wipe her up and comfort her, but she had this really scared look on her face and looked like she was trying to throw up but nothing was happening. She kept pushing me away, but looking at me with this fear in her eyes. Something told me to look in her mouth and she was choking on a sticker! I pulled it out and after a few minutes she was fine.

It was super scary though, because had not stopped for gas there, had I not opened the door, had I not looked in her mouth, I don't want to think of what could have been. She wasn't making any noise so I wouldn't have heard anything from the front seat. I am so glad that I followed my instincts and always have.

I called my girlfriend to tell her about it afterwards, and she apologized profusely, even though she was only alone with the kids while I was loading up my car. Totally not her fault. I'm thinking one of the boys stuck it on her shirt and she pulled if off, or she found it on the floor, or maybe it was on V's shoe and when he took it off and threw it at her in the car she found it and ate it. I don't know, but I like to think that this is the second time my instincts have saved this kid. She certainly keeps me on my toes!

the love (or lack of love) of a 3 year old

The other day, we were all sitting in the living room and V walked right up to H, gave him a hug and said "I love you, Dada!" I told H to relish that, because V has only once told me he loved me unprovoked. H then asked V if he loved me. "no" he said. H then told him to give me a hug and tell me he loves me. He walked up to me, looked me right in the eyes, and said "I don't love you, Mama." Now, I know, in my head, that he doesn't mean it. I know the kid loves me. When he gets hurt, he wants me. When he is sad, he wants me. When he is tired, he wants me to rock him. The boy loves his mama, but in that moment it hurt my heart and brought tears to my eyes. It hurts to hear your child say he doesn't love you.

It brought me back to my teenage years. I can remember getting into fights with my mom and telling her I hated her. How horrible that must have made her feel! I didn't mean it and I know she knew I didn't mean it, but I can't imagine how that made her feel. I feel so badly for saying that to her now. (note to self: call mom tomorrow and apologize for my teenage years)

It also makes me wonder about V's teenage years. What is our relationship going to be like then? At 3, he has a personality, and a temper. I wonder what he will be like at 5 and 10 and 15. But I also don't want to wish away the present.

Later that night, we were at my parents house and my dad was trying to take V outside and he didn't want to go. He looked at me and said "But I love you now, Mama!" And that night, he told H that he didn't want him to do his "rock rocks," he wanted Mama. So, I guess, at the end of the day, the kid really does love me :)