scared

Tonight I went to see a girlfriend who had just had a baby. She has a daughter just a bit younger than V and they love to play together so we get together often. We have talked a lot about birth and such because, well first, its me and I love to talk birth, but second, she was really disappointed in her first birth experience. She was induced and said it was just really traumatic for her. She was the first person I actually talked to who had her baby vaginally and still had a traumatic experience. So, we talked about what she wanted to do differently this time. She decided she didn't want to be induced and she didn't want an epidural. Well, she went into labor on her own (three days after her "EDD") and pushed out her 9lb 7oz baby sans epidural. She is amazing!

But the thing is she said it was terrible. She said it was horrible and painful and she wouldn't do it without drugs again. It really made me scared. I mean I know that her baby was a pound a 1/2 bigger than mine and I don't think I would have a baby that big since my other 2 were smaller, but I started to think, what if I was just lucky the first time?

My first labor didn't hurt. Really, it didn't, but what if the second one does? What if I can't handle it? What if it is really long and scary and what I just can't hack it. It scares me.

We talked tonight (while I got to hold her precious bundle) about why some labors are so painful and some are not and the only conclusion we could really come to is what we compare it to.

I compared labor to a c/s. Labor hurt nothing like c/s recovery for me. She compared labor without meds to labor with an epidural. Still, though, now I have labor to compare it to and I am scared I won't have a short labor, or that I will because shorter labors are generally more intense.

Basically I just need to get these feelings out. I know in the end, drugs are not an option for me so I will have to deal with what I am handed. I just hope I can handle it.

sibling love

The other day the kids and I were reading books and after reading one about a baby, I asked V if he wanted a new baby. He got this really sad look on his face and said "No, Mama! I like M. I want to keep my sister!"

He totally thought we were making a trade or something. I just wonder why he assumed we were trading her and not him :)

Then at dinner, I gave her some sliced peaches and he said "Be careful, M. Only take small bites so you don't choke."

He really loves her.

And I know she loves him because after she nurses every morning she goes right to him and gives him hugs and kisses.

I just hope they still feel the same way in 15 years!