I'm NOT a VBAC/breastfeeding/natural birth advocate

I know, I know, you're thinking, really, Jenn? Really? You think that?

Really though, I'm not.

I don't think every mama who has had a c/s should VBAC. I don't think every woman should breastfeed. I don't think every woman should have a natural birth. I don't, and I don't judge woman who don't do those things. What I do think is that every woman should be able to make the choice that is best for her and her family.

This is where it gets tricky though, because most woman can't make that choice. Why? Well, because they are not told the benefits and risks to both sides. When I planned my VBAC, I had to sign a paper and initial by each of the risks I was taking (my uterus could rupture, my baby could die, I could die, etc, etc, etc). Each risk was explained to me by an OB and then I had to initial by it. When I had my c/s, I also signed a form stating that I understood the risks of my surgery. The difference-- a nurse said "here are the risks. Basically, you could die, but keep in mind that that is a risk with every surgery and the chance of that happening is slim to none and c/s are very very safe. Just sign here." She waved the pen over the risks like they were nothing and I signed on the dotted line.

Now, why is it that with the c/s, the risks were trivial, but with the VBAC it was a huge risk and surely neither me or my baby would make it out alive? I have my thoughts on that, but I don't know for sure. Had I actually had INFORMED CONSENT, I may have decided to wait on the c/s and see if my baby would turn. Had my OB been honest with me, and told me babies can turn late in pregnancy, I might have told her to wait until I went into labor to section if he was still breech. I think I would have made different choices.

The fault can't completely lie in the hands of the OB or the nurse though, because I, like so many other first time moms, didn't educate myself. I trusted my OB. So many woman do, and it seems that all too often OBs aren't 100% honest. I have heard of many OBs and anesthesiologists who have told woman that epidurals are 100% safe and none of the medication goes through the placenta to the baby. That is in fact 100% FALSE. There are real risks with epidurals. Inductions are the same story.


If more woman understood that inductions have a 50% c/s rate (as opposed to the freakishly high 33% c/s rate for all births), I wonder if they would make the same choice. If they knew that babies, even at term (38+ weeks) can be "premature" and having breathing difficulties I wonder if they would wait to go into labor. If woman knew just SOME of the risks they are taking for being induced I wonder if they would agree to it. Surely, some would, but some probably wouldn't.

And epidurals. I wonder if woman knew that epis can slow labor, or that they can cause a baby to be lethargic at birth, or that they can cause tearing of the perineum, or that they can be put in incorrectly and numb up instead of down, or that they sometimes cause death, or that there is a real risk of being paralyzed, or that it can cause a lifetime of back pain or spinal headaches or any of the other associated risks if they would still get them at the first hint of a contraction. Again, some would, but some might wait (especially if she were able to move during labor and not lie on her back in a bed).

This is also not to say that there are no good reasons to induce or no good reasons to get an epidural. Of course there are, but I think that the woman needs to weigh the risks and benefits of both sides and make an INFORMED decision. Most women don't do that. Most woman do whatever the doctor says without asking why and what the risks are.

I have heard first hand, nurses and pediatricians say that formula is just as good as breastmilk or that women need to supplement with formula until their milk comes in or that they just don't make enough milk or any of the other straight up lies that run rampant around the nursery and pediatricians office.

The fact of the matter is that breastmilk is miles above formula and when women supplement with formula until their milk comes in they are causing their milk not to come in and causing a drop in supply. Nursing works on supply and demand so if there is nothing coming out then the body thinks there is nothing needed and makes less. It is detrimental to the breastfeeding relationship.

With all that said, I do understand that some women truly don't make enough milk, but that is a very very very rare occurrence. I think more often then not, the lack of supply is due to lack of information.

I took risks when I decided to push my baby out instead of having an ERCS. I knew that I was taking risks with a VBAC, but I also knew that there were risks with an ERCS. My husband and I talked about the risks and decided which risks we were more comfortable with. For us, VBAC was the better option, for others, ERCS might be the better choice. Neither is wrong, just different, but either way woman deserve to be informed!

what might have been

a friend posted something on facebook today that got me thinking. She said that her son's traumatic birth 5 years ago changed her path in life forever. That sentiment holds true for me too.



3 years ago my path in life changed. When I was pregnant with V, I had no ideas on attachment parenting, natural birth, breastfeeding, etc. All I knew was that a baby was coming out of my vagina and I didn't want any drugs. Beyond that, I figured I would probably breastfeed for 6 months if I could, but I was not co-sleeping, baby-wearing, or changing my life at all for this little person. I figured he would work his life around mine.



HA! After V was born, I was mad. Really mad and angry and nursing him hurt like hell, but I was determined. Everyone had told me I would be "begging for the epidural" and I was thinking that they were probably right because I was in horrendous pain both at my incision sight and on my nipples. Something in me changed, though. I decided that they had taken by birth, and they were not getting breastfeeding too. I fought through breastfeeding and the sore nipples, the bad latch, thrush 3 times, the sleepless nights, everything.



When V was 1 day shy of 6 weeks old, I went to my first La Leche League meeting. I walked in, terrified, but seeking answers. At that first meeting, we all went around and introduced ourselves and the leader asked everyone to say one struggle they had with breastfeeding. I was first to go and even though I had trouble, I looked around and saw all these mamas latching their babies on without a second thought and didn't want them to think I was a bad mom so I just said that I didn't have any problems. As the meeting when on, all the other woman told of their struggles and I just thought "I have that too! and that! and that!" I knew I was in the right place.



At that first meeting I also met a girl who would end up changing my path in motherhood. T (who was one of my doulas when M was born and just a mama a really admire) taught me pretty much everything I know about cloth diapers. She was inspiring to me.



At the next meeting, a lady walked in with her 6 week old in his carseat, her boppy, and exhausted eyes. A year later, she would become my best friend and VBAC partner. We sat through meetings together for an entire year, never talking to each other.



Then one night (a year after my first meeting), she said she was pregnant with number 3 and wanting to VBA2C. T and I stood in the parking lot talking with her for something like 4 hours. She was the first person I had ever met who wanted to avoid another c/s. We exchanged email addresses and started emailing on the daily. Then, we set up playdates and ice cream dates and girls nights at IHOP after LLL.



Now, the LLL group has weekly playdates and I have met some of my best friends through that group. Had I never had a c/s, I don't think I would have had the passion I did about nursing my son. I probably wouldn't have ever gone to LLL and I would have missed out on knowing some pretty cool girls.



On a smaller scale, had I not had a c/s, I wouldn't know anything about birth. I would have gone into my subsequent births with the same mindset I did my first and chances are I would have ended up with a c/s at some point. Either that, or I would have a very unhealthy view on birth. I would be scared of birth.

So, for a lot of reasons, I am thankful for my experience. I am glad that my journey has been what it was so that I can be here today. I am so glad that I have met the women I have met along the way and I am so very glad that I have learned as much about birth and breastfeeding as I have. I'm glad things are what they are and not what they might have been.

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl!

Today my baby in one. ONE! I have been really sad about this day coming all week, but last night I decided that I am not going to be sad. Really, this is a day to celebrate and while my baby is growing up and that is sad for me in a lot of ways, it is also really exciting! I don't want to look back on her birthday and remember being sad. I want to celebrate!



Plus, this is the first birthday that I can look back on the birth of my child and really smile. M gave me a gift a year ago and I can only hope that she will someday be able to understand what her birth has done for me as a mama, a wife, and a woman.



Today is a day for celebrating and I want to celebrate my husband because without him, I of course wouldn't have the two most amazing kids in the universe, but I also wouldn't be able to look back one year and smile like I can today. I also want to celebrate three of the coolest ladies I know, T, A, and M. Without their support through my pregnancy and birth and just in life in general there is no way I would where I am today.



And, mostly importantly, M. Thank you so much for choosing me to be your mama. Thank you so much for having a smile that melts my heart instantly. Thank you so much for having an infectious laugh. Thank you so much for just being you, I love you so much!

Happy Birthday, Baby!