different strokes for different folks

Before I had kids I often wondered how two people who grew up with the same mom and dad in the same house could be so different. My brother, sister, and I are so different and we have much very different choices in our lives. I have made choices they would not and vice-versa. I never quite understood it, until now.

My kids are so so very different. And I can see how part of it is just their personalities, but part of it is me and how I treat them differently. When V was little, if he cried, I ran to him. I stopped whatever I was doing to mother him. He was the number one most important thing. Then M came along and sometimes V needed me and I couldn't just run to him because I was nursing M or changing her diaper or something. And when she cries, I can't always run to her because sometimes I am giving V a bath or washing his hands or getting him a snack. I think it is because of this that M has much more patience than V ever had.

Plus, things like when V was little and I would cook dinner, I would put him on the kitchen floor and let him play. I would talk to him, but I couldn't play with him. Now, when I am cooking dinner, the kids play together on the kitchen floor (sometimes I feel like I'm cooking in a mine field between trying not to step on a child or a toy). M gets human interaction during a time when V did not.

And then there are things that I think are just innately in them. V is so much like me. He likes things the way he likes them. Everything has a place and he wants it where it belongs. He hates if his hands are dirty. He is stubborn. He is very cautious and doesn't like to try something unless he knows he will succeed. He has my short attention span and he loves books. He has no patience. He is a follower. He will do whatever the older kids do. It is cute, but I hope he realizes before I did that he should just be him and let others take it or leave it.

M is her father. She is a very laid back kid and loves getting dirty. She is stubborn (really the kids sort of have to be stubborn since mama and daddy are both too stubborn for their own good). She has no fear. She has so much patience. She gets loud to get attention. She will play with a toy for so long I get bored with it. There is so much that I can't tell in her yet because she is still little.

I think it is interesting though that even though H and I both love both of our kids, I seem to be more drawn to M and he to V. I think that is because we are drawn to each other so it would make sense that we are drawn to the kid who is like the other one.

My mom used to tell us that she loved us all equally but differently and I never really understood that either until now. I totally get it though. I don't love one kid more than the other (although sometimes I like one more than the other--depends on who is behaving that day ;) ) but I love them differently. I love different things about each kid. They are so different and I love that. I really never realized how much I could love until I met them.