and so it begins

Today S's friend and I went to meet with the Assistant District Attorney who will be working on S's case.  I was a little nervous,  mostly just because I didn't know what to expect, but it went fine.

The ADA is really nice and he seems to really care.  He asked about S and asked what we wanted to do.  The ADA explained how everything is going to work and what we can expect and told me a little more about the accident so that was nice too.

A woman who apparently drove up on the scene called 9-1-1.  They asked if I wanted a copy of the 9-1-1 call, and I told them I might, but I don't want to see it right now.  They also offered pictures of the accident if I wanted them.  I am really happy to know that these things are available to me now.  They showed me a picture of the man who killed him.  He doesn't look anything like I thought he would look.  It was really weird to see his face and know what he did.

I really want to talk to him.  I have so many questions for him and I am hopeful that he will answer them for me.  They offered to just have him write answers to the questions I have so that I don't have to hear them until I am ready.  I like that idea too.

S's friend brought up a good point too.  He thinks this is all going to be much harder on us than we realize.  Seeing the man who took S's life for the first time, hearing him talk, knowing that he is still living his life...it's not going to be easy.  But I hope it will be healing.  I am hopeful that there won't be a trial and that this man is a decent person who will apologize and answer my questions and we can find some level of healing from all of this.

I also want him to know what an amazing man S was.  I want him to that he was a great dad who loved the hell out of his kids.  I want him to know that he was hard working and honest and smart and loving and that he would have given anything for the good of his family.

And I want him to know that I am not mad at him.  I want him to know that I don't blame him.  I want him to feel some peace too.