One Month

I can't believe it has been a whole month since Shannon died. I can't believe it has been 30 days since I have seen him, held him, kissed him. My life has changed so much in the last month.


I think about him constantly. When I am driving, every time I come to an intersection I look and don't understand how the driver didn't see him. When I come home and see his car in the driveway I think of him. When I get dressed in the morning and see his clothes in the closet, when I see the couch the loved to fall asleep on, when I go to the grocery store and I don't get the things he loved, when I go to call him on my way home to see when he will be home out of habit, when I got to sleep at night and he is not next to me, when I don't see his shoes all over the house, when I have to feed the dog or put the kids to bed alone or brush their teeth or turn on the air conditioner. Everything brings me back to him.


This whole thing is starting to seem real and it is making me really sad, understandably, I hope. I feel like I need to make a conscious decision to make the best of a bad situation though. I feel like I can either mope around sad all day and all night, wishing that it were different, or I can realize that this sucks, but I need to make the best of it. I choose the latter. I have kids so I have to choose the latter. With that said, I most definitely have the sad, mopey, wishing times too.


Because I am making the choice though, I think it will help if I make a list of things I am thankful for. Even though this sucks, I have a lot to still be thankful for.


*I am thankful that I got to say goodbye to him. I told him things I wanted to him to know and things I didn't say often enough and I am so thankful that I was able to that.

*I'm thankful that I got to know him for 13 years. We had a lot of laughs over the years.

*I'm thankful that we have 3 amazing kids and I get to tell them how awesome their dad is.

*I'm thankful I have such awesome friends. I seriously have some of the best people in the world in my life. For that I am so blessed.

*I'm thankful that we were in such a good place in our marriage when he died. We have had our ups and downs over the years, always loving each other, but sometimes more than others.

*I'm thankful we were still head over heels for each other even after 7 1/2 years of marriage.

*I'm thankful that he died doing something he loved doing.

*I'm thankful that no one else was hurt in the accident.

*I'm thankful that he probably wasn't in any physical pain.

*I'm thankful that our family's loss gave life to 3 other families.

I have so much to still be thankful for and I am trying to focus on that. Really, I am just so thankful that he picked me to spend his life with. I am so thankful for him. He did so much for us and he was the backbone of our home. He will always, always be loved.