2011 started out as probably the best year of my life. S and I were in such a good place in our marriage. The last 10 or 11 months of our marriage were probably the best out of the whole 7 1/2 years.
S and I had a great anniversary celebration in 2011 and we had an amazing birth experience with G. The big kids were so much fun and S loved taking them to the zoo by himself in May. He had a blast at V's 4th birthday party and loved the Thunder games. I didn't realize it then, but our lives were pretty perfect.
The second half of the year left a lot to be desired, but I learned so much too. I learned that I am a whole hell of a lot stronger than I ever thought I was. I learned that I can survive pretty much anything. I learned what a fighter S was. I learned how much S loved me and our kids. I learned how to do things on my own. I learned that bad things happen to good people. I learned that I am not invincible. I learned to ask for help. I learned (again) to trust my instincts. I learned that life is bigger than me. I learned to be alone. I learned who my true friends are and how blessed I am to have them. I have learned so much.
It is sort of crazy to me to think that in a few hours, it will be 2012. S will never see 2012. Crazy to think about how many years are coming that he won't get to see.
I don't want to look back on 2011 and say it was a terrible year. Terrible things happened, yes, but amazing things happened too. I am so thankful for the gifts I got in 2011. I wish that I was able to learn the lessons of 2011 differently, but it is what it is and I trust that good things are coming for us.
I am looking forward to 2012.
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