Saturday, December 31, 2011

reflections and the best and worst year of my life

2011 started out as probably the best year of my life.  S and I were in such a good place in our marriage.  The last 10 or 11 months of our marriage were probably the best out of the whole 7 1/2 years.

S and I had a great anniversary celebration in 2011 and we had an amazing birth experience with G.  The big kids were so much fun and S loved taking them to the zoo by himself in May.  He had a blast at V's 4th birthday party and loved the Thunder games.  I didn't realize it then, but our lives were pretty perfect.

The second half of the year left a lot to be desired, but I learned so much too.  I learned that I am a whole hell of a lot stronger than I ever thought I was.  I learned that I can survive pretty much anything.  I learned what a fighter S was.  I learned how much S loved me and our kids.  I learned how to do things on my own.  I learned that bad things happen to good people.  I learned that I am not invincible.  I learned to ask for help.  I learned (again) to trust my instincts.  I learned that life is bigger than me.  I learned to be alone.  I learned who my true friends are and how blessed I am to have them.  I have learned so much.

It is sort of crazy to me to think that in a few hours, it will be 2012.  S will never see 2012.  Crazy to think about how many years are coming that he won't get to see.

I don't want to look back on 2011 and say it was a terrible year.  Terrible things happened, yes, but amazing things happened too.  I am so thankful for the gifts I got in 2011.  I wish that I was able to learn the lessons of 2011 differently, but it is what it is and I trust that good things are coming for us.

I am looking forward to 2012.

No comments:

Post a Comment